Listening to Myself

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


I don't think of myself as someone who holds a grudge, but I've realized recently that there is one I've been holding onto for about three years. My husband and I have a friend who came to visit us only days after our daughter was born -- he just happened to be passing through and stopped by for a visit. During the visit, he hardly even acknowledged our brand new baby's presence, and referred to her as "it" when he did notice her. I can understand him not being terribly interested in baby, he isn't someone who has a lot of (any?) experience with children. But to call her "it"? And when my husband said something about his choice of phrasing, he defended himself, calling her something along the lines of a little sexless blob.

To a new mother, those are fighting words -- and I haven't forgiven him for this. This brief conversation has become strongly linked in my mind to this person, and I wish it wasn't this way because I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt us with what he said. But still, I can't help but to hold it against him and to let this color my memories and thoughts of him. I wonder if I find this so disturbing because I take his words as a larger dismissal of my role as a mother, a role I have placed at front and center at this point in my life.


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