Letting go of things
After I had my daughter, intended to get back to cycling... but it never happened. Now reality is staring me in the face and I've realized how much I have changed, and how much my life has changed. And perhaps even more importantly, I'm seeing how much my priorities have changed. Cycling, at least at the level I used to do, is not something that works very well with a family (especially if you're the mom!). Sure, you can pull a trailer or put a seat on your bike, but that's more for recreational cycling than for whizzing along at 50 mph down a hill or seeing if you can break 35 mph while in the drops with a tailwind. I've come to the realization that my cycling days are effectively over, and really, I'm fine with this. Letting go of my cycling gear brought tears to my eyes (and even writing about it brings them back again), but my grief is from the memory of what it once meant to me, not from any current regret or sadness. There is no bitterness in this letting go, only an acknowledgment of how much I've changed, and a realization of how happy I am with my life and my young and growing family.
I know I still need a way to blow off steam, get exercise, and physically challenge myself, and I think I'll go back to running. I used to enjoy it in high school (although I hated running around the track in PE) and for some reason I took it up again at the beginning of the year. I've missed it all through my pregnancy and I'm looking forward to getting back to it once I lose a bit more weight. In running, I've found the same sort of enjoyment and rush I used to get in cycling, but it seems far more practical for my life as it is now. I can get as good or perhaps even a better workout in a much shorter period of time, and I don't have to go nearly as far from my house to do it. Running also allows me to stay in more populated areas and away from traffic, big pluses ever since my fear of death and serious injury kicked in a few years ago.
Now I need to figure out if I'm ready to give up my bike... I think I am, but perhaps I shouldn't get back on it before I make that decision. I don't think I'm ready to give up my mountain bike yet though!